I could feel myself slipping, as is so often the case after sharing stories of victory and speaking truth to others who may be experiencing the same kind of struggles. The darkness was rising and I felt like I was starting to drown. But what do I do? How do I keep from going down into the rabbit hole again? It would be so easy to slip back into unhealthy behaviours at this point, but I had just celebrated with my forever family and challenged others to get up, pick up their mat, and walk, so as much as I wanted to, I knew that lying there in the dark was not an option.
So what super spiritual thing did I do to push back against the dark? I had a bath. Wait, what? Yes. I had a bath and I talked to God. I poured out my frustration and my anger at this disease. I ranted about the unfairness of it (maybe not my finest prayer, but it was an honest one). When I had finally finished my mini-meltdown, it was as if I could hear God say, “Okay. Are you done? Because you need to hear this.”
As I sat there in the quickly cooling water, I heard the verse, “Get up and eat some more,or the journey ahead will be too much for you.” 1 Kings 19:7 At first I didn’t think too much about it, seeing as my friend had used this verse in our testimony multiple times and it is a verse that we have talked about together as well. Then it hit me. There is an OR in that verse. Eat OR the journey ahead will be too much for you. The journey was never an option, but how Elijah prepared for it was.
Elijah had a choice. He could fuel himself for the journey that he was facing, or he could not listen to the angel and be overwhelmed and undone by the road ahead. The journey for me is not an option. I have to keep walking. The road so often feels as though it is too much and I cry out, like I did in the bath, “God. I can’t do this. Please take this from me.” Elijah did this too, by the way…
Then he went on alone into the wilderness, traveling all day. He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, LORD,” he said. “Take my life, for I am no better than my ancestors who have already died.”
I Kings 19:4
God sent an angel to Elijah to provide for him while he was in the dark place, but Elijah had to do something. He had to get up and eat. The journey may be required, but I have the ability to fuel myself for that road so that it will not be too much for me. You have a journey that is required of you too. It may be a road that feels as though it is too much for you to bear, but it isn’t if you get up and eat. What fuel do you need for your journey so that it isn’t too much for you? Get up. Eat. Or the journey will be too much for you.