Tired. Weary. Spent. Drained. Fighting against the change God wants to make in me leaves me feeling like I have nothing left. Why is it that we spend so much time and energy fighting against the good things God wants to do in our lives? For me it is because the unknown is scary. The known may not be healthy, but it is comfortable, like a well-loved blankie that a child clings to. It’s dirty and worn, but it brings comfort. That is how I feel with the dark places that God wants to shed his light on. They are grubby and worn, but they are familiar.
Why is it so hard to let go of unhealthy habits? Why do I insist that my way is best, when I know his ways are higher than mine?
“I don’t think the way you think. The way you work isn’t the way I work” God’s Decree. “For as the sky soars high above the earth, so the way I work surpasses the way you work, the way I think is beyond the way you think.” Isaiah 55:8-9
I don’t think the way you think… the way you work isn’t the way I work… the way I work SURPASSES the way you work… I want that. I want to be surrendered to Someone who’s work surpasses mine. I want to trust Someone who doesn’t have the same twisted thinking that I do. So why do I still fight so hard? Why do I still think I can do it on my own? Fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of surrender. Fear of what happens if I let go.
Why is it so easy to focus on what I’m losing? I get so twisted in my head that all I can focus on is what God is asking me to give up that I fail to see what it is I will gain. I don’t know if it is the depression that keeps me focused on the loss or if we all tend to be afraid of what we may lose if we surrender? What I do know is that I am promised a future and a hope (“For I know the plans I have for you” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope” Jeremiah 29:11). I am promised a life that is satisfying (…My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life. John 10:10). I am promised peace (Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Phillipians 4:7).
So, it comes down to this. Which voice am I going to listen to? Will I listen to the voice of fear that whispers in my ear telling me that I will lose too much if I surrender to the changes God wants to make? Or will I listen to the promises of good, satisfaction, and peace?