I’m Okay

I’m okay. How often do we use this phrase to answer the inquiry of a friend or to reassure our own mind? I’m okay. But what is okay? And are we really, okay? Or is this simply our automatic response. Do we say, “I’m okay” because it’s easier and less complicated than telling the truth? I’ve learned that it no one questions or gives you that side-long glance when you tell them you’re okay. Being okay implies that you’re managing. It sends the message that you’ve got this under control. It reassures those around you that you are stable and maybe even happy.

I’m okay. But what does it really mean? For me it is easier to say than to try to explain what is really going on inside my head. I do seem okay. From the outside things look pretty good. I can get away with the simple phrase and avoid getting into the down and dirty of my mind. Not to say that my mind is a dark place, but maybe, perhaps, it is a little twisty. 

I live with depression. Sometimes the light is brighter than the dark and sometimes the dark seems to seep into all the corners of my mind. Right now, the light is fighting to stay bright. But the darkness doesn’t like that. So many things are going on in my little world. Things that make my head spin. Things that I would rather avoid than deal with. So. I’m okay.

What about you? Are you okay? Is your world spinning? Is the light brighter than the dark? Who do you have in your circle? You need someone if not someones in your life that allow you to be more than okay. You need people who will look at you when you say you’re okay and will be willing to dig a little deeper and listen a little longer. They will want to hear the dark and the twisty. They’ll ask you for more. They care. They love you. All of you. The bright pieces and the dark bits.

I am fortunate to have those people. But it’s still on me to go beyond okay and reveal the truth. I have to be willing to say the words. I have to trust. I have to reach out. It isn’t the responsibility of the others to see beyond my okay. I have to be willing to take that step. To say “no, I’m not okay right now”. That is where I stand right now. On the edge. The dark is trying to creep in. The light is fighting hard. And I am in the middle. Exhausted. But still, I want to say I’m okay.

So, to all of you out there who are struggling. I plead with you. Don’t be just okay. Say the words. Find your people. Be okay with not being okay today. Let’s take this journey. Let’s move beyond the okay and into the truth. Let’s put aside the pride or whatever it is that stops you from saying more than okay. Be real. Be authentic. Find your people and let the words flow.

So, how are you?

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