And The You Fell

Have you ever fought so hard, that you just couldn’t fight anymore? I’m talking about the mental fight to keep pushing on and to keep putting one foot in front of the other, even when you don’t think you have it in you. I have been in that position more times than I care to remember. So many times, I chose to keep fighting. I chose to walk away from the voices telling me that you can’t do this. I chose to believe the people who believed in me even when I couldn’t.

But this post is not about that. This post is about the time that you give up and give in. This is a post for those weary warriors who fall to the temptation of believing you can’t do it anymore. I have been there. I have been so wrapped in my head that I no longer hear the voices of the ones who love me. I no longer cry out to the God who tells me that I can do all things through his strength. I allow darkness in and forget that even in the dark you can see the stars. 

Whether your darkness is drugs, alcohol, pornography, self-harm, or suicide, you always have a choice. It can become so overwhelming that you feel like you are drowning and if you just give in, just a little, you’ll experience some relief. Well that my friends is a lie! There is no relief or release that comes from giving in. 

With giving in comes pain, guilt, hurt, shame, and more heaviness. Even worse, when we are in the place where we are drowning in the inability to see anything but our problems, we become very selfish. We forget that there are people who love us and who are fighting beside us to defeat the beast of mental illness. 

The people who are fighting with you are invested in you. They care about you. They cheer you when you succeed and pray for you when you are on the verge of giving in. I know in those darkest moments, you cannot see them, but please, take a moment and remember the. Remember the blood, sweat, and tears they have put into your recovery. 

When you step off that cliff and give in to those voices in your head, it isn’t only you that takes the fall. It is the people who love you and care about you. We were never meant to do this alone. That is a beautiful part of the way that God created us, but it can be oh so painful. Imagine watching as someone you care about makes a choice to hurt herself regardless of the consequences. It breaks you.

So, what is the point of all of these words? They are to tell you to stop. Don’t do it. Don’t do the thing that the voices are telling you to do. You will not only be hurting yourself, but you are causing pain to the people who love you. The people who have made the choice to do this journey with you. 

Even in the middle of the darkest night, there are stars. Look up. See the light, no matter how faint it is. And do not do this alone. In is only in Jesus who strengthens me that I can do all things.

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