Category: Thoughts

Here I am

Here I am. Fighting once again to get to that place of, “okay”. But what is, okay?  I don’t even know if I am aware of what exactly “okay” is. I’ve been struggling for what seems like forever, with dark thoughts and I don’t like the heaviness that comes with these thoughts. It weighs on me and drags me down, but…

Sometimes Things are Hard

Sometimes things are hard. We have all experienced hard things in life; that is just the nature of being alive. I have recently been on the receiving end of some of life’s hard things and I have to say, it took the wind out of my sails for a little bit. I had an unexpected shift in roles at work…

I’m Okay

I’m okay. How often do we use this phrase to answer the inquiry of a friend or to reassure our own mind? I’m okay. But what is okay? And are we really, okay? Or is this simply our automatic response. Do we say, “I’m okay” because it’s easier and less complicated than telling the truth? I’ve learned that it no…

Assumptions

Isn’t it funny, how we are constantly making assumptions? Every morning, I make the following assumptions: After a shower, I will be clean. When I brush my teeth, the sugar bugs will be gone and I won’t get cavities. My clothes are clean and ready to wear. My kids will listen. Coffee will make the world a better place. Some…

Isolated, But Not Alone

I have had a great amount of time alone lately. I am working on the COVID unit in my nursing home and because of that I am isolating here at home when I am not working. This gives me a lot of time to think and wonder and question and do what I can to not get stuck inside my…

How COVID Saved my Life

How a global pandemic saved my life. Wait, what? Yes. COVID-19 in all its restrictions, isolation, and awfulness has saved my life. As many of you know, I battle depression. And I’m not talking I feel a little blue, so I’m going to lay in bed today depression; I’m talking the I can’t go on another day so I’m going…

Fighting the Fight

I wanted to take a minute and talk about COVID. We all have our own opinions and thoughts on this and that’s okay. I just want to share with you what it’s like to be on the frontlines of this battle. I want you to know that it isn’t a joke. I know that there are many, many other diseases…

Breath of Privilege

I don’t even know how to form the words around what I am feeling right now. I sat down, wanting to talk about the news this past week. But then reality hit me. The news this past week isn’t something new. It isn’t even something different. It is the same thing that has been happening since long before I was…

Realness

*Trigger warning. This post is raw and deals with thoughts and feelings that could be triggering to some. Please be aware when reading and reach out for help if you are feeling vulnerable. Stupid. Worthless. Irrelevant. That is what you are. No one wants you. You should have never been born. Your friends are not your friends. No one loves…

Hero

A friend mentioned last night that those of us who are working during this pandemic are heroes. That we are courageous, running towards the fight instead of away from it. I’ve never considered myself to be a hero. I am a nurse and I am doing my job in this very unusual time. I’ve never considered my self to be…