Tag: darkness

Dark

Dark. Foggy. Numb. This is what my depression feels like these days. As I sit here trying to type I fight the fight of wanting to make it seem not so bad, to put a happy face on and say, “it’s really no big deal”. But I am going to take a deep breath and be real for a few…

Constant Work in Progress

      I have put in a lifetime of work accepting myself. It has been a constant battle with my own negative self-talk: you’re a fraud, you’ll never be good enough, you don’t belong here, you’re worthless, and so on.  I have only really been good at replacing those lies with God’s truth in the last few years by…

18 Months

It has been 18 months since I heard my father’s voice. 18 months since he yelled at sports on television. Eighteen months since he drew his last breath. Eighteen months since I have let myself feel the pain of that loss. I was a daddy’s girl my whole life up until that point, and I don’t know how to behave…

I Am No Victim

I am no victim, I live with a vision I’m covered by the force of love Covered in my Saviour’s blood I am no orphan, I’m not a poor man The kingdom’s now become my own And with the King I’ve found a home Kristene DiMarco, I Am No Victim Beautiful words. Words that convict. Words that heal. Words that…

The Holy or the Broken Hallelujah

There’s a blaze of light in every word It doesn’t matter which you heard The holy or the broken hallelujah                                                                                …

Praising in the Darkness

I went to church yesterday. Except this time, I sat in the back. I wasn’t feeling much like praising and worshipping through the music. In fact, I didn’t even want to be there at all. I had a rough sleep and a hard session with the kids over the use of the word “fat”. They used it as a weapon against…

In Case of Emergency

There is always hope. That statement seems trivial in our darkest places, but it is the truth. The nature of the mental illness beast is that it robs us of our sight. Our ability to see hope. Anxiety steals tomorrow’s joy, depression blinds us with our shame and despair. So many different beasts affect how we see things. But there…

Blaze of Light in Every Word

Photo credit: David Gainforth There are a lot of perks in being the hyper kid. When your mind never shuts off, there are some amazing things that one can accomplish. I work very well under the pressure of a deadline. I can operate two or three steps ahead. But with all of those perks, there are some not so great…

It’s a Cold and it’s a Broken Hallelujah

The above image resonates with how I view living with depression. When you are in the midst of darkness and unsure of how to reach out or even find help… it can feel like you are drowning. Worse, drowning while others are oblivious to your storm. Mental struggles are not always noticeable on the outside: invisible pain. There are depths…