Tag: depression

Here I am

Here I am. Fighting once again to get to that place of, “okay”. But what is, okay?  I don’t even know if I am aware of what exactly “okay” is. I’ve been struggling for what seems like forever, with dark thoughts and I don’t like the heaviness that comes with these thoughts. It weighs on me and drags me down, but…

And The You Fell

Have you ever fought so hard, that you just couldn’t fight anymore? I’m talking about the mental fight to keep pushing on and to keep putting one foot in front of the other, even when you don’t think you have it in you. I have been in that position more times than I care to remember. So many times, I…

Sometimes Things are Hard

Sometimes things are hard. We have all experienced hard things in life; that is just the nature of being alive. I have recently been on the receiving end of some of life’s hard things and I have to say, it took the wind out of my sails for a little bit. I had an unexpected shift in roles at work…

I’m Okay

I’m okay. How often do we use this phrase to answer the inquiry of a friend or to reassure our own mind? I’m okay. But what is okay? And are we really, okay? Or is this simply our automatic response. Do we say, “I’m okay” because it’s easier and less complicated than telling the truth? I’ve learned that it no…

Identity

Identity. Who we are. What we are. I have spent my life identifying as a white girl. A girl who goes to church. A girl who tries to be good. A girl who likes boys. That is what good girls do, right? They like boys. They grow up and marry a boy and have a family. That’s what I did.…

Isolated, But Not Alone

I have had a great amount of time alone lately. I am working on the COVID unit in my nursing home and because of that I am isolating here at home when I am not working. This gives me a lot of time to think and wonder and question and do what I can to not get stuck inside my…

How COVID Saved my Life

How a global pandemic saved my life. Wait, what? Yes. COVID-19 in all its restrictions, isolation, and awfulness has saved my life. As many of you know, I battle depression. And I’m not talking I feel a little blue, so I’m going to lay in bed today depression; I’m talking the I can’t go on another day so I’m going…

Let’s Talk

I’m just getting back to “real” life after another lengthy stay in the hospital. It’s funny, because my reaction to being in the hospital is embarrassment and shame. Why in the world is that?! Is there something wrong with being sick and needing extra care? No! But despite my talk about depression being and illness, I still feel like I…

Realness

*Trigger warning. This post is raw and deals with thoughts and feelings that could be triggering to some. Please be aware when reading and reach out for help if you are feeling vulnerable. Stupid. Worthless. Irrelevant. That is what you are. No one wants you. You should have never been born. Your friends are not your friends. No one loves…