Tag: mental illness

Here I am

Here I am. Fighting once again to get to that place of, “okay”. But what is, okay?  I don’t even know if I am aware of what exactly “okay” is. I’ve been struggling for what seems like forever, with dark thoughts and I don’t like the heaviness that comes with these thoughts. It weighs on me and drags me down, but…

And The You Fell

Have you ever fought so hard, that you just couldn’t fight anymore? I’m talking about the mental fight to keep pushing on and to keep putting one foot in front of the other, even when you don’t think you have it in you. I have been in that position more times than I care to remember. So many times, I…

SuperPower

For the better part of my life, I’ve identified myself as the girl with depression. Yes, there are many other identities that I have: mom, nurse, student, friend, Christian. But all of those identities were always secondary to depression. Last August at the Celebrate Recovery training summit, I felt like I was supposed to lay that identity down and I…

Depression 2.0

I have spent the better part of my adult life living with depression. The diagnosis of depression is safe. It is familiar. It is like a security blanket at times. But then, my world was turned upside down. The final day of my hospital admission I sat in a room, with my doctor, a nurse, my closest friend and heard…

Two Months and a Day

Two months and one day. That was the length of my stay on the psychiatric unit. I feel as though I was in a fight for my life and there were days that I was unsure if I could make it one more day. But by the grace and strength of God I made it out to the other side.…

Dark

Dark. Foggy. Numb. This is what my depression feels like these days. As I sit here trying to type I fight the fight of wanting to make it seem not so bad, to put a happy face on and say, “it’s really no big deal”. But I am going to take a deep breath and be real for a few…

Who am I?

For so long, I’ve been depressed. I’ve been one who self-harms. I’ve been one with an eating disorder. Yes, I am a believer. Yes, I love Jesus. But my identity has been, for so long, wrapped up in a diagnosis. It didn’t start out that way. I never intended to be defined by this, but somewhere along the way it…

Finding Rainbows

How full is your glass? Are you a half empty or a half full kind of person? I have always been a glass half empty person. I used to joke that I was intended to be a pessimist. I was born on the Day of the Dead, I am a Wednesday’s child (full of woe), and my name means “dark”. …