Tag: mental illness

Finding Rainbows

How full is your glass? Are you a half empty or a half full kind of person? I have always been a glass half empty person. I used to joke that I was intended to be a pessimist. I was born on the Day of the Dead, I am a Wednesday’s child (full of woe), and my name means “dark”. …

Hello Darkness My Old Friend

Dark. Heavy. Drowning. I don’t know if it’s the change in season or if it is all the chaos in my life at the moment, but darkness has become my constant companion of late. Some days I feel like I am watching actors on a stage; like I can’t actually engage with anyone. I am going through the motions of…

Constant Work in Progress

      I have put in a lifetime of work accepting myself. It has been a constant battle with my own negative self-talk: you’re a fraud, you’ll never be good enough, you don’t belong here, you’re worthless, and so on.  I have only really been good at replacing those lies with God’s truth in the last few years by…

Disorderly

God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscious, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world. ~C.S. Lewis The Problem of Pain   I have a disorder. It’s not an official one, but it’s there. I’m the hyper kid, so being still is not my strong point. Heck, it’s not even…

To My Friend

Dear Friend, I watched you die today. It didn’t stick though. God saved you once again. How many times is this now? 4? It doesn’t really matter that much. What matters is how angry I am. You talk the talk of someone who wants to heal, but you ignore your words. You want to get better, but you ignore the…

Praising in the Darkness

I went to church yesterday. Except this time, I sat in the back. I wasn’t feeling much like praising and worshipping through the music. In fact, I didn’t even want to be there at all. I had a rough sleep and a hard session with the kids over the use of the word “fat”. They used it as a weapon against…